NAIJA LANGUEJ SPECIAL (ISSUE 5)

NAIJA LANGUEJ SPECIAL (ISSUE 5)

OKITIPUPA TO LAGOS – SEVEN HOURS

 

Moto stop to drop pasenja. Draiva se hu wan pis mek im go pis kwik kwik bikos no taim to ple wit taim wen go slo and yeye “road” don finish fo “journey” of tu awas wen don enta faiv awas. Pasenja drop. “Rain” de fol laik se tumoro no de and evribodi kom get pis to pis. Draiva sef wan pis. Di moto na smol moto. Kondokto no de fo di moto. A ron go wan kona, tink se, as “rain” de fol, na onli mi go de fo dia. A si men fo wan said, wumen fo wan said. Pis de du kompitishon wit “rain”. Pasenja de trowe pis as dem fit. Pis na bad tin. Pis fit disgres pesin. Bot wen moto de muv, nobodi se pis de wori am. Dis no bi enihau pis. Na pis wen pipul kari kom from difren difren ples. Wia wi de na wan jonkshon fo Ijebu Ode wen dem de kol FARI. Wi jos pas hevi go slo. Go slo na go slo wen moto de waka laik wuman wen get bele. Som go slo pas bele go slo, som go slo de tek rapa tai, som de wia kap laik king wen want mek evribodi kom tek hed tosh graund fo am and som go slo no get nem; yu go de si go slo, yu no go de si di go slo, bot moto no de waka. And wen yu rich wia go slo de finish, yu go se wetin kos dis go slo sef? Go slo na yeye tin. Jos pre mek pis no kash yu fo Lagos go slo. If yu se go slo na yeye tin, wetin yu go kol “trailer” go slo? Na di kain go slo wen wi jos komot fo Shagamu-Benin Expres na im “rain” de du im oun.

Hau pesin go tok of go slo fo “highway” witaut “hawkers” and pis. Wi ste fo garaj fo tu awas and half fo pasenja. Wi komot from Okitipupa bai 2:30 oklok. Wi don chop aftanun fud fo go slo. Wi don komot fo “trailer” madnes. Wi neva komot fo govanment madnes. Rain de fol and pot hol ful evriwia wit wota. Evriwia na shem. Awa nem na shem. Na ol dis pesin de tink, wen pasenja se im go drop fo FARI. Wi jos pas Ogbere afta J4. Dat na di nem of di ples. Na J4. Na so dem de kol am. Wi no stop go J4, wi no stop fo Ogbere. Evribodi de vex. Awa fes de “red”. Taim fo ivnin fud don rich. Na onli laf, pesin fit laf fo awa kontri wen de go bak fo plenti tins.

Yu de ask wai ol of os de vex? Wai yu no ask mi wai a de laf? Yu want mek a kari vex enta haus? A jos kol haus mek ivinin fud redi. Tank God se na laf a de laf. Tank God se, a sidon fo front of beta moto de rait as a laik. A tank God se, if a rich haus, na beta wak a go wak. Wan man wen sidon fo mai bak de tok and no de stop. Na komenteto fo awa moto. From Okitipupa to Lagos. Im don tok to “mummy” , tok to “daddy” and wan bebi. Na im bebi na im tek im taim and kredit pas. If yu de travul de enta East of Naijairia, Igbo biznes pipul go tok tok wit dia languej laik se anoda pipul no de fo bus. If yu travul fo Yoruba land, na ejoor, ha ha ha, yu go de hia. Dis man fo mai bak don tich mi plenti Yoruba. Im se, di go slo, “ogidi gan o” – di go slo no bi smol. Di go slo na ogbonge. Na to de rait, and to de laf, na bi mai oun. Mai fud de “wait” fo mi fo haus. Haus don mis mi, mi sef don mis haus plenti. Mi and haus go si. Bot a stil de fo go slo fo Arepo eria. Wi don pas Ibafon. Na laf a de laf. Wai a no go laf wen wetin go mek pesin laf plenti fo Naija?

Na fo FARI, fo Ijebu Ode na im laf stat. A balans fo anoda man bak. Di man tek pozishon fo anoda man bak. Tu pipul de fo mai bak balans. Ol of os de trowe pis. Di man wen de di front of di man wen de mai front, finish, waka. Di won wen de mai front dairekt, finish, de wan waka. A tel am mek im luk front mek eni wuman no mistek waka enta wia wi men, de pis. Di man laf. Im se:

Di Man: Abeg, pis if yu wan pis. Na wuman get wetin yu de “hide”

Mi: Oga! Na so yu tok? Hahahh

Di Man: Na so na.

Mi: Hahahh! A neva hia dis wan bifo o…

Wi stil de fo dis “journey” – di “joirney” stil de go. Wi jos de wan enta Lagos propa propa. Naija “journey” fo “road” get k-leg plenti no bi smol. A no tok of polis and wayo polis fo evriwia. A no tok of “Federal Road Safety” pipul. A no tok of “Agbero” bifo moto stat to waka. Wi don rich BERGER nau. Smol taim, wi go enta OJOTA. Dis na korekt “journey”. “Sango bole” , “Iyana Paja bole”. Wi don de hia Lagos gragra. Welkom fo Lagos! Welkom to Surulere!

 

Eriata Oribhabor

 

 

Eriata Oribhabor

Ijebu-Ode, Ogun State,

Nigeria

 

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